The Blue Butterfly Brisbane Foundation for Trauma and Abuse is the trading name of the Blue Butterfly Foundation for Trauma and Abuse Ltd.
ACN 120 933 048 ABN 69 120 933 048 CH2114
Birthing Trauma Testimonial
Mary's Story
I had recently given birth to my second child when I sought therapy from Gnadenfrei. At that time, I was suffering post-natal depression triggered by the birth trauma I had experienced after having this baby. I fronted up to my first counselling session feeling so violated and angry and traumatised by my birthing experience and felt overwhelmed by all of my life responsibilities at that time. Added to this was the trauma of my early childhood sexual abuse, having been raped in my late teens – which until then had been safely (or perhaps not so safely....) buried into my sub-conscious mind.
As a result of the Trauma I entered a world of horror – with every waking moment being in fear for the life of my children (from unseen threats – whether perpetrators
of abuse, or attackers, or world disasters), the life of my husband, and my own life. I became obsessed with safety and couldn’t focus on anything properly. At that time,
my husband could only get part time work and had to say no to a lot of paid work in order to stay with me to look after our children because I had become so fearful and wasn’t coping. I couldn’t function full stop.
Engaging in therapy with my Psychologist was the best decision I have ever made (albeit terrifying!). She provided me a safe haven to express my fears without the fear of being judged and helped to provide me with insights of balance by challenging some of my more difficult and disturbed beliefs at that time. She helped me to feel strong enough to face my fears and supported me whilst I did this. She helped me to build the confidence in myself that I needed in order to continue to function within
my family unit and to regain my mothering role, to give my children the kind of interaction that they needed from me in order to meet their important needs.
I would never have been able to afford the level and amount of counselling that I needed and received from Gnadenfrei if it wasn’t for the Foundation. The success of my life has continued exponentially since I ended therapy and I now run my own business and have been able to integrate and balance my needs, the needs of my husband, and most importantly, the needs of our 2 children in a healthy way. I have
been able to face the demons of my childhood sexual abuse and have made a painful but very necessary decision to not have that person in my life (or the lives of my children) any more – in order to put a stop to the likelihood of further abuse. Whilst
I still suffer bouts of mild depression from time to time, I have never revisited the world of horror that I was once so immersed in before commencing therapy at Gnadenfrei. For this, I sincerely thank the Foundation, and Gnadenfrei.
I have been terrified of storms since a child in
England. I remember walking down a street of
houses with my friend, it was night and raining so
we sheltered under my umbrella. Then we noticed a lightening ball bouncing down the street towards us. I threw my umbrella and we ran into an alley
between two houses. There was an enormous explosion as the lightning ball hit my umbrella and blew it to smithereens. I remember that after that
my friend had to stay with our family for a few days.
The fear of storms remained traumatic for me, I would hide under the bed when it stormed, and even if asleep I would awaken during storms in terror. At the mere hint of a storm my anxiety would grow to the point of feeling sick. I became very jumpy, my palms would perspire and my stomach would churn. In really bad storms I would feel such panic I was beside myself with fear.
Last year I did an EMDR Training Course and on the suggestion of the Director volunteered as a subject. I must admit I was a little sceptical as to the value of EMDR for the treatment of trauma, and never expected it to work for me. I had just one session of EMDR.
Eight months after the training the weather turned stormy while I was at work and I knew I would have to drive home in it! The first thing I noticed, was that I did not feel that sickness in my stomach, I was able to drive home without torturing my steering wheel with my fingernails and arrived home
relaxed. Two weeks later, my son knocked on my door very early one morning to see how I was as there had been such a bad storm it had woken everyone in his house. For the first time in my life EVER I had slept through a storm and did not hear it. With each storm that has come, I remain more calm.
I later remembered that the night of the lightening ball I had gone to my friends for a sleepover. There was a knock at the door and my friend’s dad went to answer the door * he was stabbed in the stomach. He had been taken by ambulance to the hospital, and consequently my friend had to come and stay with me. About six months later my friend and her family moved back to Dublin to live as it was no longer safe for them to stay in England.
Mary
One Mother's Story
Katy's Story
When I found out that my daughters had been sexually abused by their father I was shocked. This was a totally unexpected revelation, and I felt overwhelmed and unable to handle the situation on my own.
Two weeks after the girls’ disclosure and their father’s arrest, I got in touch with the Gnadenfrei Center. My daughters and my sons received counselling on a regular basis for about two years. My daughters needed help to deal with the trauma the abuse had caused, my sons needed to cope with the drastic change in family life and the grief of losing their father. Counselling gave my daughters the support they needed to overcome the damage the abuse had caused. My sons had to learn coping skills. All had to adjust to the new “normal”
I, too, received counselling support as I learned to cope with the loss and betrayal of my husband, the trauma of what he had done, the court system and my role as a single parent raising and providing for our children, all while expecting another baby. I participated in individual as well as group counselling. Without the support of the Foundation this would not have been possible.
Today we are a functional family that has survived one of the worst types of trauma imaginable. My children are successful in school and able to maintain happy, normal relationships with their peers. They have positive plans for their futures and have appropriately coped and processed the trauma and grief of the past. I firmly believe that their therapy was a key factor in their recovery. Due to the fact that they received immediate and appropriate help from trained professionals, they have been able to regain their mental health and are leading as normal and successful lives as possible in the circumstances. Without the help and support of the Gnadenfrei & the Foundation this would not have been possible.
From an early age, I felt different. My earliest memories have a lot of fear attached. Fear of things no one else seemed to fear. I felt unsafe in the world, and though there were reasons for this, I didn’t understand what they were until much later in my life.
Unbeknownst to me, I was a child living with ADHD, and this had many flow on effects in my life.
The first case of sexual abuse trauma occurred at the hands of a family member. I was 11 years old.
The second was a case of date rape, in which I lost my virginity, but supressed this fact for years, until having some EMDR sessions with Coral.
It was at age 14 I discovered drugs and alcohol as a means of controlling my deep depression and acute anxiety. It went in succession from alcohol to marijuana, to Acid trips, pharmaceutical drugs, amphetamines and finally to heroin, where the initial effect was complete bliss and a cloud like feeling of safety.
In the midst of this, I was briefly married for the first time, at age 18, this relationship lasted 4 years in total, and for 2 of the 4 years I managed to stay away from drugs, although was very depressed during this time of abstinence. I left the marriage two days after my 21st birthday and returned to IV drug use within 48 hrs, fuelled by my shame of failure. This begun a 2-and-a-half-year spiral of out of control drug use and abuse, dealing, extreme promiscuity, abusive relationships etc.
In the last year of my marriage, I met Coral, who fairly quickly and efficiently diagnosed me with ADHD as well as depression and anxiety…..I was to continue to see Coral professionally, sporadically at first, and more regularly later, for the next 15 years.
In the worst times of my active addiction, living from one hit to the next, Coral always made herself available to me, whenever I needed her, which was a lot! I would call her, often in a terrible state both emotionally and physically, and she would always be there for me, either on the end of the phone line, or in person, something that I will never forget and always be grateful for.
It was not too long after I had attended rehab for 4 and a half months, that I fell pregnant with my first daughter. Although I very much wanted this baby, she was a huge surprise, not at all planned. It was during this time that I knew I really needed and wanted to sort myself out seriously, to be the best mother I could be to this precious child coming into the world. I sought out Coral once again to help me start to dig deeper than ever into the trauma that had haunted my life for so long.
Through much patience, care and support from Coral, I confronted some of the big monsters in my life, the things that held me back from living a full and free life. Many of these things were tied up in abuse, trauma and anxiety, but with time and work, I am now living a much more functional life. Though recent years have had held huge challenges, and I have had to face one of the most terrifying realities a mother can face, with my first born battling a life threatening illness twice, I believe I have been much more equipped to handle this, due to the years and time invested into my mental health, by Coral.
